everyone looks strange and different. am i changing or is the problem that im staying the same? i think if i fell into a coma for a fortnight, i'd wake up and not recognise anyone. progress. please stop, you're hurting my head. should i stop thinking? it would prevent me from worrying, from considering possible futures, however it would also make me oblivious to everything, and everyone, and i think i'm already on enough of a different wave length. sometimes i wish i was like the majority of other people my age - thinking about 'succeeding' in love, and education. but i can't. i don't care about that. i think the issue is that although i think about pressing matters, i fall short of applying them in my own life. of doing something that matters. i want to do something i'll remember next week. i want to make a decision so i can just follow some path to get there. my feet are frozen to the ground and im waiting for someone to do it for me. only if they try, i'll just tell them they're wrong, and refuse their help. i am not good at much. i am not good for much. im not sad. im not saying that, don't get me wrong, i just feel like im waiting. and i've realised that nothings going to start because i'm waiting for my future self to make a decision but the future will soon be the past, and that self still won't have made any progress. i'm going through the motions, but im not taking much in. im feel like ive dissappointed some people, and i hope that i'm wrong, but i don't think i am.
i want you to know that i will always love you. i want them to know i will always wish i hadn't lost contact with them. my world is becoming smaller and smaller, because im becoming worse and worse at small talk, and letting people in. you're safe. you're my safe spot
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