Thoughts

I need to stop biting the nail polish off my nails.

I should start my holiday homework.

And all the art i haven't started.

I stress because i haven't done my homework, and i haven't done my homework because i'm stressed.

i pretend it doesn't exist and it makes me feel better.

it's like when i pretend to be asleep if someone i don't know knocks on the door to my house.

it fixes everything. if only for a moment.

i like dreams, they're better than reality. i don't care about the fact that they're not real. w.e

i hate that someone i thought i liked continues to put me in situations that make me incredibly uncomfortable, around people i can't relate to, who give me looks of disapproval.

you're not my friend anymore if you don't stop.

i wish my family would listen to me.

if i've never spoken to you you're an unknown.

wouldn't that be easy?

if rumours, and gossip didn't spread to people you'd never met.

a friend of a friend of a cousin of a friend told you Lana's doing drugs.

Lana's sister's boyfriend's exe's friend's girlfriend is pregnant.

who really cares?

you don't know them

you've never spoken two words to them

you don't even know what they look like.

but somehow you know that she's considering abortion?

what the hell.

i don't want to know.

i wish i didn't know.

i've really started to think about what Carina said.

i just don't want to know all this shit.

i want to forget it all.

and start fresh.

i don't want you to talk to me if you're just going to ignore me three days later, or bitch about me to someone in a week.

i want new people. with nice attitudes. who aren't trying to impress.

i'm so sick of people fucking smoking.

fuck.

and i know people and care about people who have been seriously affected by smoking. who are dying because of smoking. so don't think shit about how i can't judge and critise people for choosing to start smoking now. people who know damn right how it has no benefits.

i dont want to lose the people i care about

but you know what?

i'm going to.

lifes a real kicker.

i was watching scrubs.

and it had some great irony in it.

a sixteen year old had a really weak immune system

and her mother wouldn't let her out of the house, in case she got sick

she said

"my mum's so afraid of me dying, she won't let me live"

i like that.

not in a way that is like "eheh :K you get no life"

but i like irony. it makes me think.

i don't love many people.

i like afew.

i'm impartial to most.

but i want everyone to be happy.

and it makes me sick when i see that people are sad.

i'm going to go to bed and read Catch-22 now.

-you should read it. it's good.

then take a long over due nights sleep.

i don't mean to sound so spiteful and angry and sad,

its just what i was thinking.

i'm actually quite content.