time

feeling... old.
im only sixteen.
a boy called me ma'am the other day :/

at what age does one stop being a girl/boy and start being a woman/man?
- or in this case, ma'am ;-;

you can never think too much.

thinking too much.

i need something.
everyone has a hook. something that makes them matter. something interesting.
i have nothing.
i am nothing, and i want to be something.
i don't want people to know me, i just want to know people.
i want to know your secrets, and i want you to know i won't share them with anyone.
i want people to want to know me, i want to be interesting enough to have people think, 'wow, who's that?'

i dont want to do things that make me unhappy.
i had a revelation. i think you should think about it.
why do you do things that make you unhappy, and what you get out of it, is nowhere near being good enough?
why do it? when there's nothing to gain.

-my seminar, i don't think i'll do it. i don't like public speaking, so getting up infront of a class and trying to teach/speak to them seems stupid.
pro's and cons
con's - embarrassment, stress.
pro's -
it's only three credits, there's nothing to gain from doing it.
this is my life.

my life

i'm not building myself into a person with alot of education behind me, so i can start my life
this is my life.

why would i do things that make me unhappy.
i dont want to be unhappy.

i don't want to die happy.
i want to live happy.

I thought by now I could have figured it all out,
instead I'm further back, it feels kinda stupid.


i hate cussing


For all the times I've tried to take a little time out for myself,
I'm just growing all alone again
But I find in my mind that I'm not
Time is running out and I just want to say I'm sorry now,
Before I'm all alone again, and I'm broken and cold.

selfish.

why do we kill things that we're afraid of/annoyed by?
i will not use flyspray.

we're only looking out for ourselves.
'improving the world' it's the wrong term.
'improving human conditions' perhaps is more fitting.
we've locked everything up in cages, and we don't look back.
fuck them, fuck everything else that wants to be happy.
we're happy, we're safe. that's all that matters, right?
and we're keeping endangered species alive, right?
who cares if they're living in dark, unnatural conditions.
they're alive, who gives a shit if they're miserable.
we're doing our best, right?




wrong.

previous blog continued i guess. + other things.

i don't really understand 'justice' either.
it's sort of the same as revenge.
that counts for people imprisoned too.
i think the purpose of a jail/prison, should be to keep people who are harmful to society/people in general, in a safe environment where they can't hurt others, if anything.
not where they get punished for what they've done.

on a lighter note, my hands are very soft at the moment.

?

I don't understand revenge, if someone hurts you, hurting them back doesn't fix your pain.

it's like how Fortinbras wants to wage war on Denmark 'cause his father was killed by Old Hamlet.
i know it's fictional, but it's relevant.
Killing residents in Denmark isn't going to bring his father back to life.

Please someone explain how bringing other people down improves life.

v

i hope that whoever you are, you escape this place.
i hope that the world turns and that things get better,
but what i hope most of all is that you understand what i mean when i tell you that even though i do not know you and even though i may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, i love you.
with all my heart, i love you.

s

i associate the letter 's' with the colour red.

shalom

Peace is a term that most commonly refers to an absence of aggression, violence or hostility.

people claim to want peace, they use the symbol (☮) and speak the word.
then continue to slag other people off.
is that not a bit of a contradiction?

the abuse of the word has made it lose a lot of it's impact, and that's a shame.

school loves me.

me ~ *puts on shoulder bag over head, wearing it across body*
cath ~ 'ew katie! gross!'
me ~ 'what!? o; this is how you're supposed to wear them.'
cath ~ 'hmph, yuck' *looks at in disgust*

left unanswered.

i look at you.
i know you
don't i?
do i?
i look at her
i don't know her
do i?
don't i?
i hold my breath at count to twelve, not ten
not because i want to be different
because i need to
ten isn't long enough
it doesnt feel right to start breathing again.
not even when i get to twelve
but i let the air rush into my empty lungs
not because i need to
because i want to
i don't want to die
but i have the choice
choice is always there
that's something lost in translation
people have forgotten
you've forgotten me
haven't you?
have you?
you hear me
are you listening?
he loves her
does he care?
you're singing such strong words
do they mean anything to you?
she wants to know what's going on inside her girlfriends head
will she wish she'd never found out?
you ran from the very thing trying to save you
you ran into the arms of your killer.
you don't know it yet
do you?
don't you?
he sees everything
but does he notice any of it?

Driveway

when i walk to school there's a driveway i look down.
i notice the covered car, protected from the harsh frosts.
i notice the heavy curtains pulled firmly shut, to keep people inside warm.
i notice the cat outside, watching me as i watch it.
i notice the worn out concrete down the drive, from people traveling up and down so frequently.
i notice the muddy grass at the edges of the drive, where people cut corners walking to their car.
when i walk to school there's a driveway i look down
every day
without delay.

Compliment.

lavon - "katie, i like your hair today..."

me "thank yo --"

lavon cntd ".......you look sick. are you sick?"

me "...thanks.. i'm actually really well"

ahahahahahh,

at least my hair looked nice?

Peace.

New Zealand is 'the most peaceful country' of 2009 according to the global peace index.
i like that.
(: