you choose not to ask when i can't speak and that makes me sad. 

i am naive to think the males i spend time with are my friends. as soon as they realise i'm not going to fuck them they'll stop following me around. this is what i'm told and i'm offended. i'm obvious about not wanting people to touch me, i literally dodge any approaches. mostly what offends me though is that it seems these people don't believe my character is worthy of friendship.

i miss you and knowing how much more beautiful everyone in your life is than me hurts me in irrational ways. you deserve them and happiness but it's like a harsh reminder that i would have never stayed, that you were always a lot better than me, could always do a lot better than me. i'm ugly inside and out and my insecurity only amplifies it.