hear me.

you.
you go blank
i try to talk to you,
try ask you questions,
and you go blank
you ignore me,
but it's like you never heard me
its like im not there
and it doesnt make me angry
it makes me sad

opossum

i was told recently that i was mean because i compared a person to a possum.
thing is, i was saying i wouldn't kill a possum.
and the guy telling me i was cruel was saying he would happily.

i believe that humans are equal to possums,
which are equal to sheep,
which are equal to fish.
i believe every living thing should be equally respected.
i said the possoms life was just as important as the girl's sitting next to me.
he laughed and said that meant i wouldn't give a shit if she died.
he knew i was a vegetarian,
so i presume he realised there was method to my 'madness', and it made him uncomfortable.

i dont want anyone to think i'm a murderer or i'm contemplating genocide, because that's something i'd never do,
but i don't have an overwhelming urge to save the human race by killing off other species.
i don't think we should kill possums to save native trees.
i don't think native trees are more important than introduced ones.
or endangered animals have any greater right to life than a common animal.
i can see people's point of view when they say that sort of thing.
but every time i try and explain mine, no one listens.

i think you've missed the point,
and i think i love you for it.


it's interesting that i manage to generate the most free time when i have something i should be doing.
should? should i be doing anything? is there anything i should do?
words. they come with strings attached. meanings. but everything would remain without them
everything would still exist. beauty, hate, guilt, pleasure.
the room i'm in is messy. but what is mess? it's things.
it's my things. it's my clothes, my apple, my keyboard, my sisters laptop, my mums slippers and my dads glasses.
but what are they really if they're not a part of me? a part of you?
everything and everyone is interchangable, however everyone's unique.
a paradox. i sometimes wonder if i myself am a paradox. but if everything is a contradiction how does anything ever get done?
'less haste, more speed.' they say his life was all a lie. but he was alive and how could that be untrue?
how could anything be untrue? even the lies people tell us give us some understanding of who that person is.
people keep things from us, it's not a lie, but it's not the truth. it's uncertainty.
and what is uncertainty if not bravery?

i know what you're thinking, and i'm thinking it too. my train of thought has taken a detour and ended up in the clouds.
but that's okay. because im not wrong. no ones wrong, and no ones right. or am i, and are they?

i know im not a superstar
but who knows what im going to see
or if you will remember me.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

i want you to know that i'll keep your secrets
i want you to feel like if everything turns to shit, and you need someone you know, but you're not too close to, to support you, that im here
if you need someone that you're not going to have to look at everyday, knowing they think of you differently after seeing you cry, im here
i want to help
i want people to be happy.
i want animals to be happy
is it possible?
i hope it's possible.
please let me be what you need. no judgement, just there.
we dont have to talk, but if you need someone to hold, to know that things still exist, that people are still there for you, im here.

I'M PUMPED, CARINA.
ahaha.

Memory

I'm thinking, i'm thinking about the past.
and i'm remembering. i remember people.
People i used to talk to so often, people i considered friends
People i'd forgotton, people i don't think of anymore.
There was no abrupt end, no fight, we just drifted.
I dislike that. That sort of end begs questions, what if's.
What if we'd kept in contact? what if we were still friends now?
I remember someone i used to think of as one of my best friends.
I don't even remember when i stopped talking to him
I didn't think ' i dont want to talk to you anymore, i don't like you'
we just never got round to having another conversation.
that's sad,
and i miss everyone.
i was on a bus afew months back, i'm not sure if i ever talked about this.
but there were four or five people from my primary on the bus, all my age.
we were all in the same class. but now we're like strangers.
and i wondered. i wondered what if this whole bus was filled with just people from queenspark?
what if everyone from my year eight class were on this bus?
would anyone talk to anyone? would anyone acknowledge the situation.
i remember thinking probably not.
i wasn't friends with many of them, but i miss them.
all.

Yesterday

yesterday was bad.

i had someone tell me how excited they were to go duck shooting after school.
then someone told me i should eat more red meat, cause 'it tastes good, and who cares about the cows'
then my english teacher tried councelling me after class last period about my seminar, and i had a cry.
then i had to get the bus, and someone asked me if i was okay,
then they came and sat next to me, and i had another cry.
it was a bit too emotional. who the hell cries at school? i don't like that.

am i becoming negative or positve?
are these feelings going to make my life more exciting, and less stressful,
or will they make me more reclusive, and pessimistic?